Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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