Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
