so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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