i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
