Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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