They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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