I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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