Duck Duck Cougar?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
