I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
