drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Actions speak louder than pants.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
