Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
