You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
