she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
