sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
