Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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