When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
