Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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