i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
