I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
