; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
People in love make me want to vomit
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
