so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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