Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
