were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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