Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
