She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
