I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
