i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
