I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
