dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
