I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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