The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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