I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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