xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
