Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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