i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
