If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize