so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
