That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
