Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
