Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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