I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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