But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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