Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
