dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
