did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
