I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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