u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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