My friends, they love my intelligence
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
