he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
