you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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