i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
