so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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