pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
