I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
