I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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