she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize