she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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