why do cheetos always look like penises
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
