I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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