STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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