he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
