I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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