just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
