I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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