It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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