she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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