he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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