She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You've changed since you got that strap on
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