honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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