Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
