The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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