thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
