Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
