when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
