everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
