you would pick up someone in the library
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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