Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
